Rant #1: Weave. . . Really? (aka . . A Shout Out to TMCY)

This post is prompted by TMCY's post on Weave Wearing Women yesterday which got me to thinking several things. 1.) TMCY and I went to college together and probably had much more in common to talk about than we realized (at least on the writing tip) and 2.) either the world is so depressed and in need of some laughter or we're just to afraid to talk about the serious things these days.


Now before I get to ranting, I must admit that I don't advertise my blog in a fashion to solicit much interaction via comments. I really do most of my writing for myself as a form of therapy. But it made me laugh (then cry) that TMCY's weave blog solicited a barrage of comments regarding weave, good hair vs. bad hair, naturals vs. relaxers, insecurities and how much people need to pay someone to lay on the couch to get their head straight so they don't go around buying yakki hair which some asian lady got horribly screwed on when they paid her pennies for growing her hair out for a year.


Now I know TMCY has written on more important issues in a comical sense like the Iraqi Shoe Thrower (11 comments) or Governor Sarah Palin (3 comments), so why has weave prompted so much discussion. Does weave intrigue us that much? Is this the substance that drives us? I write alot about race and political issues yet, when my friends speak about my blog, they usually refer to the fictional live remotes that Chico (me and my wife's dog) has done from the DNC and a Nightclub (I must admit however, that if you've ever heard me do Chico's voice, you'd be rolling to. It's a mix of a gangster and the old pervert man from the Family Guy show that's always trying to get at Chris)."

Maybe I'm being too serious about this. But I always wonder when will we put more effort into the real stuff that we're concerned about.

But then again, weave is a pretty serious topic. That shit could save your life.

Do I have any white friends anymore?

"On Saturdays and Sundays, America in the year 2009 does not, in some ways, differ significantly from the country that existed some 50 years ago. This is truly sad." - Attorney General Holder.

In a speech regarding the celebration of Black History Month, Attorney General Holder made the above statement regarding the nation's "coward" demeanor toward addressing the serious and un-talked about issue of race in our nation. This simple yet stunningly obvious observance about race relations in our nation got me to thinking, I have no white "friends" anymore.

Now my definition of friend in this sense is strictly defined. It isn't friend in the sense of we went to high school with each other 10 years ago and you found me through the six degrees of separation group on Facebook or by noticing a friend of a friend of yours who commented on my witty status messages. It isn't a friend in the sense that you ran the "find other friends" tool on MySpace and it used your contact list from yahoo or Gmail or twitter or whatever to find your "friends" by their email addresses. I mean friend in the sense that someone you actually keep tabs of through direct contact, engage in conversations regarding each others personal lives and gains as well as have a care for.

Now some of you new age hippies may attempt to contradict Holder's sentiments saying, "I just hung out with "X" (I was going to use a stereotypical white name like Luke, or Sharon or Casey but that wouldn't be right . . . wait . . . I just did) last night! But hanging out doesn't constitute a friendship. On second thought, if more than 50% of the time you're with that person you all are taking Jaeger or jello shots, then you are actually a small AA (Alcoholics Admirers) Group in the making. . . not "friends".

For the rest of you, I ask you this. When was the last time you spent significant time with someone of another race ( for which you have no familial or marital or obligation to) on a Saturday or Sunday that wasn't work related?

1 week ago . . .

1 month ago . . . .

1 year ago . . . . . . ?

Longer . . . . ?

I started thinking about the last time I spent significant time with someone of the other race. There was that one time at my wedding when we hung out with my wife's maid of honor's fiance who's white. . . but they're pretty much considered family . . . so they don't count. My good friend from college was at a bachelor party with me for another friend of mine and he's white (the friend . . not the bachelor). But dude has been to just as many family functions as I have in the last 10 years we've known each other (actually more) . . . so does he really count? And besides, for much of his early years . . . he thought he was black anyway (you know I love you KH!)!

The truth is I don't have any white friends anymore. I am not ashamed of this. I think it is a natural result of us wanting to spend our off work time with those we are most comfortable with. That is perhaps the part I am ashamed of. Our nation has a uncomfortableness about our differences which inhibits our ability to form positive relationships with persons of contrasting skin tone. We ignore racism as if it doesn't matter in a world for which it has always mattered. Instead of opening lines of communication to rid ourselves of misconceptions, stereotypes and prejudices as well as cement the truths about our various cultures and ethnicities, we shun away from this dialogue and interaction choosing to instead act as if it isn't there. Racism is the drunk uncle at the family reunion for which you've brought your significant other to for the first time. You know he's sitting there, right next to the Jack Daniel's. You know he inevitably will do or say something asinine and embarrassing, but he is never confronted in advance of the issue. And when he's confronted after the ugliness rears it's head, it's too late, and race riot of sort occurs.

Perhaps we should host huge Clear the Air parties (kind of like the one they held in Grant Park in Chicago on November 4th) in which everyone where's a white t shirt with black lettering on it that clearly states our misconceptions and stereotypes and prejudices of others. This way it would be out in the open for all to see. We then could help each other through discussing the root of those misconceptions and refuting them through evidence.

I can see it now. White guy walks up with t-shirt that says "I think all black guys can run fast and jump high". Black guy walks up with t-shirt that says, "I think all white women are subordinate to their men!" Asian guy walks up with t-shirt that says, " I think most latinos are illegal aliens." Latino guy walks up with t-shirt that says, " I think all asian men are mathemeticians."

Of course I'm being quite silly in a sense, but you get the point. Perhaps by exclaiming our misconceptions of race, we can rid ourselves of them.

. . . and if you're one of my white friends . . . please don't be offended . . . and if you are, we're probably really not friends anyhow.

MateFax Personal History: Don't Date A Used Man Without MateFax!

I liken asking someone you meet for the first time questions about themselves and their dating history to asking a used car salesman about the quality of a car you're interested in purchasing: you very well knew from the beginning that the answer you would receive would not only inevitably be disappointing, but that there will always be a sense of uncertainty with regards to if you received the absolute truth or not. This is the reason the CarFax product is such a hot sale. It reduces the dissonance associated with the purchase and permits you to comfort your self with a detailed car history that in the least, allows you to rationalize your purchase decision even if the car breaks down in two weeks.

But there are no MateFax products on the market. It would be an exceptional idea. A detailed dating history of your potential mate that you could pull even before you went on your first date. You notice an attractive guy or gal (simliar to a freshly detailed car on a used car lot), walk up to him or her and kick on their bumpers and check for dents or oil on the ground around them. You ask for their PIN# (PERSONAL IDENTIFICATION NUMBER) and let them know you'll get back to them in a couple days. You immediately go home and jump on the matefax.com website to run their history. Your detailed report is produced in minutes:

OWNERSHIP HISTORY:
Year Born: 1978
Estimated Length of Average Relationship: 6 mos.
Estimated Sexual Partners Per Year: 7
Total Sexual Partners: 105
Total Sexual Parners with reported cases of STD: 17 (16%)

EMPLOYER:
Harolds Chicken Shack #73: 8yrs
ICE Theatres: 3 yrs

TITLE PROBLEMS:
FICO Score: 512
Degree: Associates in General Studies from Kennedy King College
# Years to Recieve Degree: 7.5

Reported Accident / Damage:
1996 - Assault Charge dismissed by former Ex-Girlfriend. Order of Protection Enforced.
1999 - Multiple Non-Labeled Prescriptions bottles found in vehicle for "General Health Issues" from local clinic known for STD prowess.
2002 - Filed police report for excessive car damage on vehicle including but not limited to sugar being poured in tank, key scratches and "BITCH ASS" spray painted on door and brick in window.

Other Information:
Children: 6
Baby Mommas: 4

End Report.

Your MateFax report has saved you time, hardship and money for the low, low price of $29.99. I do however see the potential detriments associated with "erroneous" information as maybe received with your typical CarFax report. People will start stealing PIN numbers like credit fraud. You'll have to check your report monthly to ensure no misinformation being reported (there's no greater pain for a man than to have been reported to have slept with a woman . . . for which he actually didn't receive the joy of sleeping with her). You'd have to entertain requests from friends asking to get on your MateFax report to get the residuals of you actually being a decent dude. Almost like a co-signer. And similiar to the car market, your MateFax report will only approve you for a late model Ford Festiva type woman when you really want a BMW 745 type female.

What would your MateFax (or your current/ex's MateFax) report say?

I'll just say . . . . Thank You Lord!

I'm not a horribly religious person. Actually, if you ever run into my best friend Jere Tobias and ask him what I used to think about Church and Religion, he'd have a tremendously funny story to tell you. But life has showed me through trials and tribulations, joy and happiness that God is real. God is always present. And God changes your life.


So, on this 31st anniversary of my birth, I recall a fond memory of my younger years, and I say aloud, "Thank you Lord, I won't complain!"


I wasn't forced to go to church after about 10 years old. My parent's felt it was to be a decision of my own after a while and permitted me to choose to go after that time. Of course, I elected to spend most of my Sundays playing basketball in the local schoolyard on milkcrates for at that time, I felt it was a much better way of spending my time. But my parents are smarter than they probably would ever give themself credit for and had already laid the foundation. Their electing to allow me to make the decision taught me at the least two very profound lessons which I have had to learn and re-learn multiple times. The first is that to choose isn't always a easy thing to do. And that in the beginning and the end, it always comes back to God.

Learning and relearning these two lessons have pushed my life to greater heights, permitted some fantastic people (ie. my wife) to enter my life and have put me on a path to the desireable life that I covet.

And so, when things don't always seem to be going too well. In the words of my Grandmother who sings this very touching and spiritual song nearly everytime I visit home and go to church, "I'll just say thank you Lord . . . I won't complain".