You should hope to aim to be the second most important man in her life. . .

I must admit that I used to think that in order for me to find a wife, she must consider me to be the most important man in her life. Now before you religious zealots get to stewing, we all are aware that God should be the head of any persons life and thus the most important. We're talking people of the flesh though . . . so simma down nah! That being said, it was imperative that I was the most significant male figure in her life . . . if I was her man. The end all be all, the alpha and the omega . . . literally . . . THE MAN!

However, as I have grown and matured, first in myself and secondly in my ability to handle relationships, i have learned it is best that men should hope to be the second most important man in any woman's life. The first should be her Father.

As much as it is imperative that men be shining examples of what it means to be a man to their sons, it is just as imperative that men be exemplary examples of what it means to be a man to their daughters.

For Father's are from hence women first learn what it means to be loved by a man. Fathers are from where minimums regarding levels of respect, appreciation, and the ability and willingness to provide for a women come. A good father not only lives with the hope of being a quality example of a man to their fathers, but takes pride in showing such in the treatment of his daughters Mother.

In my past and present, this conclusion has held true; that any woman that has been loved by her Father in a fashion that creates high standards and expectations within her regarding the men she is courted by will more often than not be a woman more than worth the chase.

I have seen not only in my past relationships, in which non-present Fathers have no comprehension of the template that they are providing to their impressionable daughters, but even more so today in my relationship with my wife. Her Father is an exemplary man who has in conversation shared with me his adoration for his daughters and how honorable and proud a position he holds as Father.

Now please take notice that I capitalize the word "Father" in every occurrence. The reason being that it is only proper that this proper noun receive the capitalization that any person who performs well in a high role, responsibility or position deserves. For being a "Father" is a title not earned through placing one's seed, but through the performance of that title, and thus, can be performed by any willing man.

Now for those of you outstanding women who have been raised by single Mothers, outliers exist in all most any situation, however I would argue that someone close played the "Father" role sufficiently enough.

So men, in all our machismo, early in our relationship life, we should aspire to be the second most important man in her life, for we would only hope to live up to the expectations that have been set by the man in head of you.

Aren't I too young to say . . . " I never thought I'd see the day ".

I work in an environment where I manage a team that bests me in age on average, by twenty years. People who have lived in era's that I can only imagine or at best, read about in books. People who have watched lives and livelihoods change with the times and men reach new highs and repent for all time lows. People who have seen dreams become realities. Yet, in my relative infancy, I find myself sharing their sentiment when they pronounce, " I never thought I'd see the day" in regards to the election of a black President.

It causes me to explore that statement; "I never thought I'd see the day". Be it that I am the young age of 30 (my younger friends would argue the "young" descriptive), I wonder if I am far too young to utter this phrase. It is a phrase which expresses despair and jubilation in succession.

The despairing part is that in the course of history of a country 400 plus years in the making, the citizens (and I stress this word purposely for our citizenship was and has been in question for much of that time frame) that help form it's greatness could not fathom the notion that they had just as much an opportunity to hold the greatest office in its land. The jubilation is the realization of the dream that those same citizens maintained, despite times of despair and treatment that supported the contrary; the dream that anything is possible.

Discouraging is it that you can hear this same feelings set from the mouths of young people who I best by only 15 years. Teenagers whose lives are all but in front of them, astonished that the face they see in the mirror now mimics the one they will see on the cover of every newspaper, every magazine, on the screen of every news station as the leader of the free world.

It is telling of a future that to some, isn't as bright as it should be. A deplorable frame of mind that even in the beginning, as the shot that starts the sprint of your life still rings in your ear, the race is all but over.

But then. . . along comes hope.

The hope that in a race from which the only vantage view you have ever had of the finish line is blurred by the backs of others ahead of you, something changes. The race is extended an extra lap, and you are a tail end runner who performs best in his or her last 100 strides. Or someone has stumbled ahead of you, permitting you to narrow the gap that separates the haves and have-nots.

I must learn not to say "I'd never thought I'd see the day", for that recitation may elude to those younger than I that change and hope are two things that are far to rare in their occurence. And I dare not be a discouraging voice to those who have come after me, for it would be an offense to those who have come before me.

All things NOT being equal . . . We've got a long way to go!

I had a recent facebook dialogue with several individuals regarding a variety of things related to the Barack Obama whopping victory (okay. . . had to take that cheap shot) of McCain in the Presidential election. The dialogue covered a variety of topics; taxes, abortion, guns (huh?), etc. But the most poignant topic was that of racism and the assertion that racism is a thing of the past. Something, that if it exists at all, exists both ways.

Now it's hard for me to argue that racism isn't a two way street. I have had the unfortunate privilege of witnessing racism spew from the mouths of blacks as I have with whites. I have also witnessed physical acts of racism toward whites, unwarranted and undeserving. However, to assert that racism is a thing of the past is a bit of a farce.

But as for it not being a living evil that thrives and rears its ugly head in so many factions of our lives today; that is simply not the case.

I argue that it is very difficult to eradicate an ill that has not just been institutionalized in our society, but is written into the very binding laws that our country are/were founded on. The 3/5's compromise (Article 1, Section 2, Paragraph 3 of the United States Constitution) listed below created racism and inequality in the very document that governs our land. This adopted into law in 1787 at the U.S. Constitutional Convention.

"Representatives and direct Taxes shall be apportioned among the several States which may be included within this Union, according to their respective Numbers, which shall be determined by adding to the whole Number of free Persons, including those bound to Service for a Term of Years, and excluding Indians not taxed, three fifths of all other Persons." - 3/5 Compromise

This is quite contrary to our Declaration of Independence from British rule on July 4, 1776 which states:

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."

Yet, it took nearly 100 years and a Civil War to include an amendment which reversed the ill will of the founding father's; the 14th Amendment:

"All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside. No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws."

Connecting the dots further, the 1960's (100 years after the 14th amendment) was the heart of the Civil Rights movement. A struggle for equality for all. Throw in the fact that the last "recorded" lynching was done in 1968, a pseudo-lynching in Jasper, Texas in 1998, in addition to Jena Six in 2006 and the foiled planned murder of 88 blacks with 14 beheadings culminating in the attempt on President - Elect Obama's life in 2008 . . .it's difficult to ignore that racism in it's purest form is alive and well.

The election of a black (actually . . .half black) President doesn't erase hundreds of years of institutionalized prejudice, racism and inequality. It at best, provides a springboard for making new headway into a society that is inclusive, appreciative and tolerant of all persons despite their beliefs, background or color of skin.

We have a long way to go America! In 200+ years of Presidencies, 44 elected Presidents, only once has there even been an opportunity for a candidate other than a white male to be considered for the highest office in the land. 1 OPPORTUNITY in more than 200 years.

Should we be expecting complete parity? Absolutely not. That is impossible when racism in our country is 400 years ahead in the game. The question is what will the next 400 years be like? Will we once and for all begin to judge each other "by the content of our character"? Will we cease permitting shallow minds with ulterior motives to form our opinions of those who don't look like the reflection in the mirror? Will we embrace the diversity that GOD has created in all of us, a diversity that in it's prism of color, is more the same than it is different.

The true means to erasing racism is to stop ignoring it. Address it head on, with friends, family, co-workers. Do not permit it to infiltrate any aspect of your life. Do not settle for the uncomfortableness of prejudice, no matter which direction on the two way street racism travels. Open your MIND to the idea that the characteristics of "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness" is much more indistinguishable and homogeneous than we often put on.

President - Elect Obama is the reflection of a World that is blended and mixed and muddled. The product of a black man and a white woman, a Kenyan and a American, raised for several years in an Indonesian land and household by a Indonesian step-father, reared by Grandparents of Irish decent. How's that for a hodgepodge?

Racism exists. We are more alike than we are different and that is the reason racism should be understood and more importantly offensive to us all.

Today I Vote For My Father . . .

A few short years ago that feel like yesterday, I lost my father to a long and valiant fight against diabetes (click here to find out how you can help fight diabetes). Today I reflect on the relationship we had that has formed a significant portion of who I am today. I often tell people that the most poignant lesson that my father ever taught me was that real men change for the better. He taught me this lesson not through lecture but through action. As he grew older, wiser and more ill, he became more appreciative of the wife he married, the children he reared and the God that, with all his ills and sickness, was proof that doctors are simply tools for doing God's work and not the determiners of how long we live and when we go home to heaven.

As I stood in line to participate in undoubtedly the most significant election of mine and his and very well my son and my son's son time, I reflected on our relationship and how the CHANGE that I and many others are calling for is reflective of the CHANGE that we all must go through individually, as a country, globally . . . for our World to be safe, prosperous and bright once more.

So today, I vote for my Father.

I remember a summer in Georgia when I was young, attending a funeral for a family member I barely knew. I remember my dad pressing me to say "thank you" to an old man who leaned against a tree at the burial site, a man I had never seen before and had no reason in my mind to say thank you to. He wasn't family, just a family friend. He didn't give me money, or candy or even time. But my father insisted that I pay my gratitude to this man. That man was Rev. Ralph Abernathy, Martin Luther King Jr's sucecessor to the SCLC. So today, I vote for my Father who instilled in me appreciation for those who gave blood, sweat and tears for my right to vote.

Today, I vote for my Father.

I remember summer nights on front porches, waiting for the non-air conditioned house to cool enough to sleep. Talking with my father till early hours of the morn when the city finally quiets and the serenity of the hum of street lights makes it seem like living in the inner-city hood ain't all that bad. I remember being allowed to share my thoughts and opinions about anything, a child speaking to a man who spoke back without hierarchy in his tone but with interest. I remembered being challenged to think about things differently than what my immediate surroundings and environment seemingly constrained my thoughts. I remember being asked and prodded to support my thoughts with background, facts and information rather than emotion. So today, I vote for my Father who taught me that a man thinks and decides not only as a result of where he is today, but where he wants to be tomorrow.

Today, I vote for my Father.

For God called him home before he could vote for himself and his father before him. For today I vote not just for a black man but for the many black men and women before him who have made it possible for a black man to be voted on. Today I vote for the change I saw in my Father. Today I vote for the change we need for tomorrow. Today I vote for the change that is required of each and every one of us to restore the brilliance of the American Dream which we wish to pass on as Father's to our sons.

Today, I vote for my Father.




In memory of the Late William W. Weaver III (9/14/1950 - 5/14/2006). I love you. I miss you.