Reality Discourages Me from Watching Reality T.V.

Jack & Jill plus 8, The OOC (Out of Control), The Game (wait, that's not a reality show but black folks treat it like it is), Diddy's Didiots (a.k.a. Making the Band), and other shows are far too rampant and just as much ignorant in my opinion. They are mocked up and staged realities that feed into people's desire to run away from the truths in their lives in hopes of living their Sunset Blvd dreams out through the idiot box. They aren't depictions of how things really turnout, the dramatic music and cutaways intensify perhaps more mundane and less interesting reality and they have the substance of a L.A. model, Zane Book Jerry Springer show.

The only reality shows that actually intrigue me are those like True Life and Intervention. Now these shows are awesome. They usually show real people with real problems (too fat, too ugly, too un-cool, too addicted to methamphetamine, alcohol or sex), dealing with real issues and struggling to overcome them. THAT'S REALITY! People driving in a Ford Festiva with rust spots and oil leaks spending their entire check at the local watering hole so often that their home number is on speed dial at the bar due to how often they have to call a relative to pull you out the bathroom stall. THAT'S F'IN REALITY!

No trained singers with week's to perform like American Idol. No athletes and theatre performers dancing with the stars. No Bachelors who get to choose from 30 stunningly attractive women to marry. Send that dude to a dark nightclub, liquor him up, let him make some poor decisions and end up marrying the chick he disregarded ten years ago like the rest of the world does.

Reality TV is a farce as it is only an opportunity to replace our realities with those of another persons which has been edited, clipped and scripted to give the impression of being interesting.

I must go now. I have to watch DVR episodes of Heroes. Say what you want, but at least I'm fully aware that a flying white guy, Asian nerd that jumps through time and wields a samurai sword or a kid that can rip off an ATM by "talking" to it isn't real. You tell me who's being fooled.

Emotional Affairs! (aka, "I have a confession: I like Oprah!")

Let me speak on the aka title first. It's true: I like Oprah. This revelation is the result of an attempt to earn bonus points with the wife by taking her to an Oprah show (i'll be writing a blog to elaborate on that experience later), but I at that time realized that my put downs on Harponites for their overzealous infatuation with the religious cult better known as the Oprah Show was rooted in my hidden and deep rooted appreciation of the woman. But I digress.

I recently read on her/cnn's website (I told you that I like Oprah in the second sentence above. . . get off my back), an article about people having Emotional Affairs. And it got me to thinking?

Would you be hurt more my an emotional affair your mate participated in versus a physical affair? For which would you be willing to be more forgiving?

And are male female friendships while in a serious and significant relationship truely possible?

A Tale of Two C's . . .

*check out TMCY's Letter to Facebook Freddie. it was the catalyst to this post.

Often women have complaints about men's dating discourtesies (is that a word?) and "courting" abuse, but as I often tell ladies, this ish is all your fault. We could go into a indepth conversation as to what you should or shouldn't permit as a single woman, but yall probably know all about that yet haven't taken the time or energy or aren't willing to accept the risk of being lonely on a considerable amount of nights as you realize that men are foul and you're simply tired of the batteries running low on the rabbit to put any sort of requirements into place.

So instead, let's discuss how you can tell if you're being courted vs. being chased.

First, we dinstinctively define the difference between the two c's. Being courted is rooted in a man's interest in you. . . Being chased is rooted in a man's interest in what you had on and how good you looked in it the night he met you. Courting is a necessary must do based on our sincere desire to know more about you. Chasing is a part of a deep rooted, cave man DNA makeup thirst for the opposite sex. Courting is something we as men generally shy away from due to the level of physical, emotional, financial and mental investment it requires. Chasing we can do in our sleep!

[Let's pause a sec before this next one. . . it may hurt].

Courting is something that we do to women which we respect or are required to respect. Chasing is something that we do with women that we could really give a care less if they make it pass the next week or so. (- - - side note, almost all courtships start off from the male perspective as a chase. It is the women's reaction to the chase which could cause a courtship to begin - - - )

So, getting back on task, let's go about putting together a list of identifiers to help you ladies know if you're being courted or chased. I'll start us off with a few. . .

1. As described by TMCY's letter to Freddie, Facebook/SMS Messaging are tools of the chaser: think efficiency!

2. An invite to the club vs. an invite to the movies/theatre/play/etc.: Alcohol + Harmones = Bad Choices. When a man's chasing, a female's bad choices can be just as astonishing and exciting to men as the Trailblazer's decision to pass on MJ was to the Bulls in the 1984 draft (ladies, if you don't know what I'm talking about . . . find out . . . this can be a very useful tool in moving yourself from the being chased to being courted category) ?

3. Morton's vs. McDonald's: self explanatory.

4. Lunch Dates vs. Dinner Dates: for a guy to carve out Saturday Lunch time which could very well be spent watching some sporting activity, participating in some sporting activity or sitting around with friends or at the barber shop talking about some sporting activity is a great clue. And based on the results of the dinner date . . . you've heard this before "the only thing open that late at night are . . . .").

Feel free to contribute . . . .

I'm starting to think having a choice (for most of us) is a bad thing. . .

The problem with choice is that far too many people make bad ones. And I'm not talking about the occasional bad choice that is the result of, for example, the initial bad choice of "having one too many" which in turn leads to a host of other subsequent bad choices (- - - she started off as a six when you where sober, she's still a six now that you're tore off. - - - or the trip to White Castle at 3:45am). Neither am our talking about limited choice, for example having a limited budget for a car purchase and your choice, as a grown ass man was to purchase a Toyota Solara ( - - - dude, that's a chick car and there where plenty of other quality choices in the $20,000 range). Nor am I talking about the choice that you make when you really have no choice at all, for example, doing what you'd rather do versus doing what your wife wants to do (- - - you make yourself believe that you're making the decision when the truth is you know you didn't have a choice in the first place).

I'm talking about real choice. The type of choice that despite it's tremendous and significant impact, there's no one standing there pointing a gun or a slingshot full of guilt at your head encouraging you to make the right choice. We as the people conglomerate repeatedly make bad choices in significant situations where the result of those choices will have a bearing on the level of happiness we achieve in the forthcoming years. Significant situations being the operative phrase here. I'm not talking the decision one makes to choose skinny jeans when skinny isn't something they've been familiar with since considering passing on the skinny option at Potbelly's (- - - or being a man and thinking that skinny jeans are even a possibility. It's actually selfish, like wearing tighty whiteys or bikini underwear. What about your future kids you selfish bastard?).

Choices like the choice to become an unwed mother (- - - 40% of all births in 2007 where to unwed mothers. 2007 was also the year we broke the record for number of babies born in a year of our nation's history). And before the zealots get started, I'm not talking about the choice to have or not have the child, I'm specifically adressing the choice to not protect yourself from the chance of becoming an unwed mother either through birth control or abstinence. That's a real choice.

Choices like the choice to commit or take part in a violent crime (- - - violent crime from 1995 to 2005 has increased 6%. other crimes - - - property, drug, public order types - - have decreased. guess criminals have decided to step their game up). And these too are perhaps the subsequent result of the prior choice to not pursue a life which would deter one from performing a violent crime for fear of losing or jeopardizing all they have attained and accomplished.

Or perhaps even more pressing choices. Like the choice to press down on the ballot chad next to George Bush's name (- - - this is self explanatory and doesn't require additional literal imagery or statistical support)

Of course I'm being a bit fecicious but the point is valid. If choice is all we have (- - - and through God's grace is what seperates us from other multi-cellular organisms on his/her beautiful planet), why do we not appreciate and utilize this tool of overarching impact with more carefulness and tact?

If there was a choice that you could get a "do-over" on and make with more wisdom and consideration of how it would impact the level of happiness you attain in your present and future, what would that choice be?

The Way Women Keep Score . . .

My barber and good friend Orlando Burns put me on to the fact that women keep score in relationships absolutely different than men. It's a idea that is talked about extensively in that Women are from Mercury and Men Make Sense (. . .okay maybe that isn't the title of the book, but you know what I mean). I really didn't believe him until I did some deep dive thinking about the way my wife keeps score in our relationship versus the way score is being kept in my head.

For example, if I bring home flowers once a week for 7 consecutive weeks, and count each occurence as 1 point tallied, in my my mind i've ACCUMULATED 7 points of good favor in the household. Right? I mean . . .

1 Bouquets of Flowers x 1 Point Each x 7 Weeks = 7 Points

Well, in the words of Adam Sandler . . . . THE PRICE IS WRONG BITCH (. . . see Happy Gilmore)! You have failed to realize that women reset the score each time a point is scored.

So, according to the woman's score ledger:

(1 Bouquet of Flowers x 1 Point Each x 7 Weeks )

minus

( Previous 6 Weeks Points Don't Mean Jack in Week 7)

=

1 Damn Point!

It is often said that math is the only thing that is empirical, however, women have proven this to be a farce.

In addition to this, women - unlike men - don't associate monetary value with the item or deed that takes place. For example:

Weekend In Miami on the beach, shopping and eating at nice restaurants = $2750

vs.

Pair of unique earrings from boutique shop in designer district = $35

In man thought, the weekend in Miami should be worth at least 78 unique earring purchases ($2750 / $35 = 78). But it doesn't work like that. Each of these occurences have the same value (. . . actually, you may get more points from getting the unique earrings).

This is an amazingly confusing, yet necessary lesson to embrace if you are a male in a relationship.

Agreed?

Love and Marriage Aren't Synonyms! (aka: Ten Things You Can Learn & Re-Learn Just From One Conversation w/ A Good Friend).

* Below is an excerpt from a conversation between me and Christine. Christine started off as my Corporate Big Sister / Mentor and ended up being a really good friend that has seen me go through some serious development. She checks in on me about once month or so and makes sure I'm being nice to my wife! LOL. It's actually much appreciated because every time we have these conversations, I end up appreciating my relationship (with my wife and with Christine ) and my marriage even more. I bolded some of the important points. Enjoy!


Christine(14:29:35): . . .and people say its hard, but I don'tunderstand what is hard about it

Rob(14:31:09): perhaps hard isn't the right word because it asserts that you don't want to do it. . . .how about . ."marriage is easy if you both know/understand that it's going to be WORK."

Rob(14:31:29): work is a better word. it doesn't have the negative connotation associated with something being hard.

Christine(14:31:46): what do you work at?

Rob(14:32:31): communicating, understanding, being considerate even whenyou don't want to be considerate,

Rob(14:33:48): doing these things all the time is work. when you're dating, you take breaks from doing these things, when you're married, you have no choice

Rob(14:33:55): or you'll be very unhappy.

Christine(14:34:03): I can understand that

Rob(14:34:07): but if you've got someone great, it's something you enjoy working at.

Christine(14:34:06): so when you have a choice Christine between being patient or not, being nice or not, it is making the choice to be patient and nice and when someone does something- assuming the best intentions versus the worst

Rob(14:35:25): yep.

Rob(14:38:38): that's something i have to remind Marie (and myself) of sometimes. Always think my intentions where best unless you have evidence which says different. unlike past relationships where I try to make sure I don't get caught, now i make sure my actions are such that I don't have to hope not getting caught or have to spend time explaining them.

Christine(14:39:11): exactly, but also, cut someone some slack - know that I will not do anything bad- so focus onthe outcome and not on any little mess along the way

Rob(14:40:49): and I give much less resistance when what i do offends her regardless of what my intentions where. . . that's the work on understanding part . . .my actions may make sense to me, but that doesn't mean that it makes sense to others or despite being acceptable,won't offend or hurt someones feelings. i try my best to acknowledge her feelings absent of if Ithink i'm right or wrong

Christine(14:41:18): that is very true and hard for people (including myself) to understand

Christine(14:41:24): you said it perfectly

Christine(14:41:32): you may be the perfect husband!

Rob(14:43:54): i am . . haha . . just kidding. . . i don't think there's a such thing. . . i think the "perfect husband / wife" is the person who trys to be perfect enough for their mate so that their mate is willing to give them slack during the times when they are being imperfect. which is probably a lot more often than when they are perfect. my goal is to be perfect for Marie. and for others, that may not be perfect at all, but their assesment of my perfection doesn't matter. . . .and neither one of us knows what it means to not succeed at something. . . so we both have the motivation to make our marriage the best marriage possible for the longest time possible . . . 1 year or100.

Christine(14:45:40): don't even say that 1 year business

Christine(14:46:00): I wonder if success in marriage is not about tying it to love as much?

Rob(14:47:41): you know you can love someone to death and can't make a relationship work with them

Christine(14:49:47): I know that very well. love doesn't necessarily mean marriage or you can think of it as I love you enough to think you are owed stability and commitment and safety meaning, safety like, I have your back

Rob(14:52:55): i love you enough to take the chance of a lifetime on you based on who you are today and who you wish to be tomorrow (and who I think you will be tomorrow). you don't take that gamble on someone who doesn't have that figured out for themself before you start walking down that road.

Rob(14:53:10): love and marriage definitely aren't synonyms.

Rob(14:59:21): and it should be a bit more selfish a deal. i chose the woman that I felt would best contribute to my life's happiness in every facet. emotionally, physically, mentally, financially. So, it's really all about me! LOL!

- - - - - - To Recap - - - - - -

Ten Lessons You Can Learn (and Re-Learn) Just From One Conversation with a Good Friend:

1. "perhaps hard isn't the right word because it asserts that you don't want to do it. . . .how about . ."marriage is easy if you bothknow understand that it's going to be WORK."

2. when you're dating, you take breaks from doing these things,

3. but if you've got someone great, it's something you enjoyworking at.

4. cut someone some slack

5. I give much less resistance when what i do offends her regardless of what my intentions where.

6. my actions may make sense to me, but that doesn't mean that it makes sense to others or despite being acceptable,won't offend or hurt someones feelings. i try my best to acknowledge her feelings absent of if Ithink i'm right or wrong

7. think the "perfect husband / wife" is the person who trys to be perfect enough for their mate so that their mate is willing to give them slack during the times when they are being imperfect. which is probably a lot more often than when they are perfect.

8. you know you can love someone to death and can't make a relationship work with them

9. love you enough to take the chance of a lifetime on you

10. love and marriage definitely aren't synonyms.