To Choose or To be Chosen . . . .That is the question!

We all know the light skinned vs. dark skinned argument. Light skinned girls get all the guys. Dark skinned girls get played or have to be exceptionally fine! Wannabe's vs. Jiggaboos. . . . blah, blah, blah. We all know that it's rooted in massa's seperation of the lights from the darks and giving them preference and creating the sensation to covet the lighter folks of our race. And yet it still plagues us today. More importantly, it plagues our black women who are constantly irate at the fact that a man's preferences lead him to lighter toned women.

Sistahz (of all color. . . .white, brown, yellow, etc.) . . . . you will never change a man's preference!

That fool may marry you and still prefer lighter skinned women!

My question is, when will women become the chooser instead of being chosen. Now I know you're going to say that we women always do the choosing . . . and you may be correct in saying that the end decision is that of the woman, but if you think that the courter doesn't have anything to do with the courtee making that decision, you're fooling yourself (ex. refer to ugly brother without dough with fine woman on arm . . . . game!).

The sistah has always went out and got what they want in life. Want education . . . went out and got it! Higher paying job in the board room with the big boys . . . went out and got it! Big house, nice car . . . that too! Quality man . . . [in a damsel in distress voice] , "where has chilvary gone?"

My suggestion: Get out and get what you want!

I can be certain that I cannot recall not participating in a conversation that a woman initiated with me in my single days. Ugly, fine, tall, short, fat, skinny. Didn't matter, if the woman started the conversation, I always remember engaging her. My preferences went to the wayside frankly because I was caught off guard and if that woman's personality shined and kept me engaged, there was no telling where the conversation would lead.

Men have had to do this since the beginning of time. We have always had to chase. Geez, my wife didn't even give me her phone number when we first met . . . I nearly had to stalk her via email . . . which she didn't provide to me either but I just happened to pick out of a guestlist of more than 600 others ( . . . fate . . .that's a future blog article). The chase and the subsequent shootdowns is what has allowed us men to build ourselves and our ability to engage, attract and win the woman who are characteristic of our preferences.

For those of you who women who believe that the old fashion way of courtship should be standard, understand that you no longer live in old fashioned times and shall not expect new fashioned results while maintaining an old fashioned mindset regarding dating. We are in a new age where we learn more about one another through text messages, emails and facebook profiles than we do via picnics in the park, walks on the boardwalk or conversations over tea. This will not change. The world will not revert back to times of communication in person or via hand written letter. And to be truthful, you have not maintained old fashioned mannerisms of courtship anyhow. In old fashioned times, you dated exclusively those of your ethnic group. Of course there were folks at the extremes who tested these old fashioned ideas, however most of us stayed in stride. Yet, frequently I hear women (scorned) suggest to other women that men outside of their race are fair game now as a result of the dissapointment they have have with men who reflect their own skin tone. If this is outside the lines of old fashion and still exceptable, why not stress the bounds a bit more.

Stop waiting to be chosen . . . . stop being victim of preferences for which you have no control over. . . . start choosing how you want your dating life to be! It may be more fun (and successful) than you think!

Shout out to Tahani for kicking this post off!