Do I have any white friends anymore?

"On Saturdays and Sundays, America in the year 2009 does not, in some ways, differ significantly from the country that existed some 50 years ago. This is truly sad." - Attorney General Holder.

In a speech regarding the celebration of Black History Month, Attorney General Holder made the above statement regarding the nation's "coward" demeanor toward addressing the serious and un-talked about issue of race in our nation. This simple yet stunningly obvious observance about race relations in our nation got me to thinking, I have no white "friends" anymore.

Now my definition of friend in this sense is strictly defined. It isn't friend in the sense of we went to high school with each other 10 years ago and you found me through the six degrees of separation group on Facebook or by noticing a friend of a friend of yours who commented on my witty status messages. It isn't a friend in the sense that you ran the "find other friends" tool on MySpace and it used your contact list from yahoo or Gmail or twitter or whatever to find your "friends" by their email addresses. I mean friend in the sense that someone you actually keep tabs of through direct contact, engage in conversations regarding each others personal lives and gains as well as have a care for.

Now some of you new age hippies may attempt to contradict Holder's sentiments saying, "I just hung out with "X" (I was going to use a stereotypical white name like Luke, or Sharon or Casey but that wouldn't be right . . . wait . . . I just did) last night! But hanging out doesn't constitute a friendship. On second thought, if more than 50% of the time you're with that person you all are taking Jaeger or jello shots, then you are actually a small AA (Alcoholics Admirers) Group in the making. . . not "friends".

For the rest of you, I ask you this. When was the last time you spent significant time with someone of another race ( for which you have no familial or marital or obligation to) on a Saturday or Sunday that wasn't work related?

1 week ago . . .

1 month ago . . . .

1 year ago . . . . . . ?

Longer . . . . ?

I started thinking about the last time I spent significant time with someone of the other race. There was that one time at my wedding when we hung out with my wife's maid of honor's fiance who's white. . . but they're pretty much considered family . . . so they don't count. My good friend from college was at a bachelor party with me for another friend of mine and he's white (the friend . . not the bachelor). But dude has been to just as many family functions as I have in the last 10 years we've known each other (actually more) . . . so does he really count? And besides, for much of his early years . . . he thought he was black anyway (you know I love you KH!)!

The truth is I don't have any white friends anymore. I am not ashamed of this. I think it is a natural result of us wanting to spend our off work time with those we are most comfortable with. That is perhaps the part I am ashamed of. Our nation has a uncomfortableness about our differences which inhibits our ability to form positive relationships with persons of contrasting skin tone. We ignore racism as if it doesn't matter in a world for which it has always mattered. Instead of opening lines of communication to rid ourselves of misconceptions, stereotypes and prejudices as well as cement the truths about our various cultures and ethnicities, we shun away from this dialogue and interaction choosing to instead act as if it isn't there. Racism is the drunk uncle at the family reunion for which you've brought your significant other to for the first time. You know he's sitting there, right next to the Jack Daniel's. You know he inevitably will do or say something asinine and embarrassing, but he is never confronted in advance of the issue. And when he's confronted after the ugliness rears it's head, it's too late, and race riot of sort occurs.

Perhaps we should host huge Clear the Air parties (kind of like the one they held in Grant Park in Chicago on November 4th) in which everyone where's a white t shirt with black lettering on it that clearly states our misconceptions and stereotypes and prejudices of others. This way it would be out in the open for all to see. We then could help each other through discussing the root of those misconceptions and refuting them through evidence.

I can see it now. White guy walks up with t-shirt that says "I think all black guys can run fast and jump high". Black guy walks up with t-shirt that says, "I think all white women are subordinate to their men!" Asian guy walks up with t-shirt that says, " I think most latinos are illegal aliens." Latino guy walks up with t-shirt that says, " I think all asian men are mathemeticians."

Of course I'm being quite silly in a sense, but you get the point. Perhaps by exclaiming our misconceptions of race, we can rid ourselves of them.

. . . and if you're one of my white friends . . . please don't be offended . . . and if you are, we're probably really not friends anyhow.