Do this! It's For a Great Cause! LaRabida Summerfest!

For my in Chicago folks, please come out and support this event. For my out of town folks, please make a donation! This is a great organization supporting our community.

La Rabida Summer Fest 2009:

Supporting the Child Advocacy Center of La Rabida Children's Hospital, the 1st Annual La Rabida Summer Fest '09 is an effort to provide financial support to one of La Rabida's most necessary departments. The Child Advocacy Center is a safe, child-friendly environment for children who have experienced psychological trauma and for alleged victims of sexual abuse and other violent crimes. The CAC provides investigative, therapeutic and support services free of charge to children and their families throughout South Suburban Cook County. Featuring local artists (including the CAC's own Berkeley Baker) supporting a local community effort the La Rabida Summerfest will celebrate the CAC's success while spreading the word of it's efforts.

Tickets & Donations:

Tickets for the event can be purchased buy clicking the link below. All proceeds of ticket purchases benefit the Child Advocacy Center. Please be sure to print a copy of your receipt as your ticket (a guest list of those who have purchased tickets will be on-site). In addition, monetary donations are welcome and appreciated and can be provided online by clicking the "donate" link below. All donations will benefit the Child Advocacy Center.

We greatly appreciate your support and consideration of this effort. Thank you and we look forward to celebrating with you at summerfest.

Donations: http://www.giveforward.org/larabidasummerfest

Purchase Event Tickets: http://larabidasummerfest.eventbrite.com/

Reality Discourages Me from Watching Reality T.V.

Jack & Jill plus 8, The OOC (Out of Control), The Game (wait, that's not a reality show but black folks treat it like it is), Diddy's Didiots (a.k.a. Making the Band), and other shows are far too rampant and just as much ignorant in my opinion. They are mocked up and staged realities that feed into people's desire to run away from the truths in their lives in hopes of living their Sunset Blvd dreams out through the idiot box. They aren't depictions of how things really turnout, the dramatic music and cutaways intensify perhaps more mundane and less interesting reality and they have the substance of a L.A. model, Zane Book Jerry Springer show.

The only reality shows that actually intrigue me are those like True Life and Intervention. Now these shows are awesome. They usually show real people with real problems (too fat, too ugly, too un-cool, too addicted to methamphetamine, alcohol or sex), dealing with real issues and struggling to overcome them. THAT'S REALITY! People driving in a Ford Festiva with rust spots and oil leaks spending their entire check at the local watering hole so often that their home number is on speed dial at the bar due to how often they have to call a relative to pull you out the bathroom stall. THAT'S F'IN REALITY!

No trained singers with week's to perform like American Idol. No athletes and theatre performers dancing with the stars. No Bachelors who get to choose from 30 stunningly attractive women to marry. Send that dude to a dark nightclub, liquor him up, let him make some poor decisions and end up marrying the chick he disregarded ten years ago like the rest of the world does.

Reality TV is a farce as it is only an opportunity to replace our realities with those of another persons which has been edited, clipped and scripted to give the impression of being interesting.

I must go now. I have to watch DVR episodes of Heroes. Say what you want, but at least I'm fully aware that a flying white guy, Asian nerd that jumps through time and wields a samurai sword or a kid that can rip off an ATM by "talking" to it isn't real. You tell me who's being fooled.

Emotional Affairs! (aka, "I have a confession: I like Oprah!")

Let me speak on the aka title first. It's true: I like Oprah. This revelation is the result of an attempt to earn bonus points with the wife by taking her to an Oprah show (i'll be writing a blog to elaborate on that experience later), but I at that time realized that my put downs on Harponites for their overzealous infatuation with the religious cult better known as the Oprah Show was rooted in my hidden and deep rooted appreciation of the woman. But I digress.

I recently read on her/cnn's website (I told you that I like Oprah in the second sentence above. . . get off my back), an article about people having Emotional Affairs. And it got me to thinking?

Would you be hurt more my an emotional affair your mate participated in versus a physical affair? For which would you be willing to be more forgiving?

And are male female friendships while in a serious and significant relationship truely possible?

A Tale of Two C's . . .

*check out TMCY's Letter to Facebook Freddie. it was the catalyst to this post.

Often women have complaints about men's dating discourtesies (is that a word?) and "courting" abuse, but as I often tell ladies, this ish is all your fault. We could go into a indepth conversation as to what you should or shouldn't permit as a single woman, but yall probably know all about that yet haven't taken the time or energy or aren't willing to accept the risk of being lonely on a considerable amount of nights as you realize that men are foul and you're simply tired of the batteries running low on the rabbit to put any sort of requirements into place.

So instead, let's discuss how you can tell if you're being courted vs. being chased.

First, we dinstinctively define the difference between the two c's. Being courted is rooted in a man's interest in you. . . Being chased is rooted in a man's interest in what you had on and how good you looked in it the night he met you. Courting is a necessary must do based on our sincere desire to know more about you. Chasing is a part of a deep rooted, cave man DNA makeup thirst for the opposite sex. Courting is something we as men generally shy away from due to the level of physical, emotional, financial and mental investment it requires. Chasing we can do in our sleep!

[Let's pause a sec before this next one. . . it may hurt].

Courting is something that we do to women which we respect or are required to respect. Chasing is something that we do with women that we could really give a care less if they make it pass the next week or so. (- - - side note, almost all courtships start off from the male perspective as a chase. It is the women's reaction to the chase which could cause a courtship to begin - - - )

So, getting back on task, let's go about putting together a list of identifiers to help you ladies know if you're being courted or chased. I'll start us off with a few. . .

1. As described by TMCY's letter to Freddie, Facebook/SMS Messaging are tools of the chaser: think efficiency!

2. An invite to the club vs. an invite to the movies/theatre/play/etc.: Alcohol + Harmones = Bad Choices. When a man's chasing, a female's bad choices can be just as astonishing and exciting to men as the Trailblazer's decision to pass on MJ was to the Bulls in the 1984 draft (ladies, if you don't know what I'm talking about . . . find out . . . this can be a very useful tool in moving yourself from the being chased to being courted category) ?

3. Morton's vs. McDonald's: self explanatory.

4. Lunch Dates vs. Dinner Dates: for a guy to carve out Saturday Lunch time which could very well be spent watching some sporting activity, participating in some sporting activity or sitting around with friends or at the barber shop talking about some sporting activity is a great clue. And based on the results of the dinner date . . . you've heard this before "the only thing open that late at night are . . . .").

Feel free to contribute . . . .

I'm starting to think having a choice (for most of us) is a bad thing. . .

The problem with choice is that far too many people make bad ones. And I'm not talking about the occasional bad choice that is the result of, for example, the initial bad choice of "having one too many" which in turn leads to a host of other subsequent bad choices (- - - she started off as a six when you where sober, she's still a six now that you're tore off. - - - or the trip to White Castle at 3:45am). Neither am our talking about limited choice, for example having a limited budget for a car purchase and your choice, as a grown ass man was to purchase a Toyota Solara ( - - - dude, that's a chick car and there where plenty of other quality choices in the $20,000 range). Nor am I talking about the choice that you make when you really have no choice at all, for example, doing what you'd rather do versus doing what your wife wants to do (- - - you make yourself believe that you're making the decision when the truth is you know you didn't have a choice in the first place).

I'm talking about real choice. The type of choice that despite it's tremendous and significant impact, there's no one standing there pointing a gun or a slingshot full of guilt at your head encouraging you to make the right choice. We as the people conglomerate repeatedly make bad choices in significant situations where the result of those choices will have a bearing on the level of happiness we achieve in the forthcoming years. Significant situations being the operative phrase here. I'm not talking the decision one makes to choose skinny jeans when skinny isn't something they've been familiar with since considering passing on the skinny option at Potbelly's (- - - or being a man and thinking that skinny jeans are even a possibility. It's actually selfish, like wearing tighty whiteys or bikini underwear. What about your future kids you selfish bastard?).

Choices like the choice to become an unwed mother (- - - 40% of all births in 2007 where to unwed mothers. 2007 was also the year we broke the record for number of babies born in a year of our nation's history). And before the zealots get started, I'm not talking about the choice to have or not have the child, I'm specifically adressing the choice to not protect yourself from the chance of becoming an unwed mother either through birth control or abstinence. That's a real choice.

Choices like the choice to commit or take part in a violent crime (- - - violent crime from 1995 to 2005 has increased 6%. other crimes - - - property, drug, public order types - - have decreased. guess criminals have decided to step their game up). And these too are perhaps the subsequent result of the prior choice to not pursue a life which would deter one from performing a violent crime for fear of losing or jeopardizing all they have attained and accomplished.

Or perhaps even more pressing choices. Like the choice to press down on the ballot chad next to George Bush's name (- - - this is self explanatory and doesn't require additional literal imagery or statistical support)

Of course I'm being a bit fecicious but the point is valid. If choice is all we have (- - - and through God's grace is what seperates us from other multi-cellular organisms on his/her beautiful planet), why do we not appreciate and utilize this tool of overarching impact with more carefulness and tact?

If there was a choice that you could get a "do-over" on and make with more wisdom and consideration of how it would impact the level of happiness you attain in your present and future, what would that choice be?

The Way Women Keep Score . . .

My barber and good friend Orlando Burns put me on to the fact that women keep score in relationships absolutely different than men. It's a idea that is talked about extensively in that Women are from Mercury and Men Make Sense (. . .okay maybe that isn't the title of the book, but you know what I mean). I really didn't believe him until I did some deep dive thinking about the way my wife keeps score in our relationship versus the way score is being kept in my head.

For example, if I bring home flowers once a week for 7 consecutive weeks, and count each occurence as 1 point tallied, in my my mind i've ACCUMULATED 7 points of good favor in the household. Right? I mean . . .

1 Bouquets of Flowers x 1 Point Each x 7 Weeks = 7 Points

Well, in the words of Adam Sandler . . . . THE PRICE IS WRONG BITCH (. . . see Happy Gilmore)! You have failed to realize that women reset the score each time a point is scored.

So, according to the woman's score ledger:

(1 Bouquet of Flowers x 1 Point Each x 7 Weeks )

minus

( Previous 6 Weeks Points Don't Mean Jack in Week 7)

=

1 Damn Point!

It is often said that math is the only thing that is empirical, however, women have proven this to be a farce.

In addition to this, women - unlike men - don't associate monetary value with the item or deed that takes place. For example:

Weekend In Miami on the beach, shopping and eating at nice restaurants = $2750

vs.

Pair of unique earrings from boutique shop in designer district = $35

In man thought, the weekend in Miami should be worth at least 78 unique earring purchases ($2750 / $35 = 78). But it doesn't work like that. Each of these occurences have the same value (. . . actually, you may get more points from getting the unique earrings).

This is an amazingly confusing, yet necessary lesson to embrace if you are a male in a relationship.

Agreed?

Love and Marriage Aren't Synonyms! (aka: Ten Things You Can Learn & Re-Learn Just From One Conversation w/ A Good Friend).

* Below is an excerpt from a conversation between me and Christine. Christine started off as my Corporate Big Sister / Mentor and ended up being a really good friend that has seen me go through some serious development. She checks in on me about once month or so and makes sure I'm being nice to my wife! LOL. It's actually much appreciated because every time we have these conversations, I end up appreciating my relationship (with my wife and with Christine ) and my marriage even more. I bolded some of the important points. Enjoy!


Christine(14:29:35): . . .and people say its hard, but I don'tunderstand what is hard about it

Rob(14:31:09): perhaps hard isn't the right word because it asserts that you don't want to do it. . . .how about . ."marriage is easy if you both know/understand that it's going to be WORK."

Rob(14:31:29): work is a better word. it doesn't have the negative connotation associated with something being hard.

Christine(14:31:46): what do you work at?

Rob(14:32:31): communicating, understanding, being considerate even whenyou don't want to be considerate,

Rob(14:33:48): doing these things all the time is work. when you're dating, you take breaks from doing these things, when you're married, you have no choice

Rob(14:33:55): or you'll be very unhappy.

Christine(14:34:03): I can understand that

Rob(14:34:07): but if you've got someone great, it's something you enjoy working at.

Christine(14:34:06): so when you have a choice Christine between being patient or not, being nice or not, it is making the choice to be patient and nice and when someone does something- assuming the best intentions versus the worst

Rob(14:35:25): yep.

Rob(14:38:38): that's something i have to remind Marie (and myself) of sometimes. Always think my intentions where best unless you have evidence which says different. unlike past relationships where I try to make sure I don't get caught, now i make sure my actions are such that I don't have to hope not getting caught or have to spend time explaining them.

Christine(14:39:11): exactly, but also, cut someone some slack - know that I will not do anything bad- so focus onthe outcome and not on any little mess along the way

Rob(14:40:49): and I give much less resistance when what i do offends her regardless of what my intentions where. . . that's the work on understanding part . . .my actions may make sense to me, but that doesn't mean that it makes sense to others or despite being acceptable,won't offend or hurt someones feelings. i try my best to acknowledge her feelings absent of if Ithink i'm right or wrong

Christine(14:41:18): that is very true and hard for people (including myself) to understand

Christine(14:41:24): you said it perfectly

Christine(14:41:32): you may be the perfect husband!

Rob(14:43:54): i am . . haha . . just kidding. . . i don't think there's a such thing. . . i think the "perfect husband / wife" is the person who trys to be perfect enough for their mate so that their mate is willing to give them slack during the times when they are being imperfect. which is probably a lot more often than when they are perfect. my goal is to be perfect for Marie. and for others, that may not be perfect at all, but their assesment of my perfection doesn't matter. . . .and neither one of us knows what it means to not succeed at something. . . so we both have the motivation to make our marriage the best marriage possible for the longest time possible . . . 1 year or100.

Christine(14:45:40): don't even say that 1 year business

Christine(14:46:00): I wonder if success in marriage is not about tying it to love as much?

Rob(14:47:41): you know you can love someone to death and can't make a relationship work with them

Christine(14:49:47): I know that very well. love doesn't necessarily mean marriage or you can think of it as I love you enough to think you are owed stability and commitment and safety meaning, safety like, I have your back

Rob(14:52:55): i love you enough to take the chance of a lifetime on you based on who you are today and who you wish to be tomorrow (and who I think you will be tomorrow). you don't take that gamble on someone who doesn't have that figured out for themself before you start walking down that road.

Rob(14:53:10): love and marriage definitely aren't synonyms.

Rob(14:59:21): and it should be a bit more selfish a deal. i chose the woman that I felt would best contribute to my life's happiness in every facet. emotionally, physically, mentally, financially. So, it's really all about me! LOL!

- - - - - - To Recap - - - - - -

Ten Lessons You Can Learn (and Re-Learn) Just From One Conversation with a Good Friend:

1. "perhaps hard isn't the right word because it asserts that you don't want to do it. . . .how about . ."marriage is easy if you bothknow understand that it's going to be WORK."

2. when you're dating, you take breaks from doing these things,

3. but if you've got someone great, it's something you enjoyworking at.

4. cut someone some slack

5. I give much less resistance when what i do offends her regardless of what my intentions where.

6. my actions may make sense to me, but that doesn't mean that it makes sense to others or despite being acceptable,won't offend or hurt someones feelings. i try my best to acknowledge her feelings absent of if Ithink i'm right or wrong

7. think the "perfect husband / wife" is the person who trys to be perfect enough for their mate so that their mate is willing to give them slack during the times when they are being imperfect. which is probably a lot more often than when they are perfect.

8. you know you can love someone to death and can't make a relationship work with them

9. love you enough to take the chance of a lifetime on you

10. love and marriage definitely aren't synonyms.

Rant #4: Where the hell am I supposed to park?

*this is guaranteed to get me a call from the ADA.

Okay. Frankly I feel as if it's getting out of control. I mean, how many handicapped people can there actually be in one place at one time. The first twenty to thirty spots of most malls, grocery stores, Wal-Marts, etc. are reserved with the blue and white signs depicting someone in a wheelchair. There is no such thing as a quick run to the store because it's going to take you ten minutes to get the the store entrance (not withstanding the fact that there are never enough open checkout lanes and for some reason there always seems to be the most technologically inept individual at the self-service lane who is asking where's the mouse to select the appropriate boxes . . . ON THE TOUCHSCREEN! . . . .but I digress). Is there a disabled convention going on at Target that requires this disproportionate amount of spaces? And why is it that 60% of the persons that park in these spaces seem physically fine? Do they get the placard because of their mental disability (actually. . . if I got my hands on one, I'd use the hell out of it . . .but we're not talking about me).

And then there's the EXPECTED MOTHER'S reserved parking spaces. Couple these with the handicap spaces and I now have to drive to the store parking lot and call a cab to cart me to the front door. Isn't walking good for expected mothers? And it gives them a headstart on shedding those baby pounds after the birth. I'm sort of willing to deal with this because of the volatile temperament of a pregnant woman (anything that would appease them in the little bit is valuable to society as a whole), but this next photo is taking it way to f'in far:

WTF! You're telling me that Bank of America is reserving parking spaces for low emission vehicles. You've got to be kidding me! Is this an attempt to show yourself as a a GREEN company of sort? Wanna help the environment? Only give out bank loans to people buying low emission / fuel efficient vehicles. No more loans on BMW 745's that earn you thousands in interest. Nope. No way. BOA is only giving out loans for Toyota Prius type vehicles because we care about the environment. Account holder wants to buy a gas guzzling hummer? Can't do it, not welcome here at the newer, greener BOA. Who cares if revenue received from interest plummets. The air will be cleaner.

My question is, who will we be reserving spaces for next? This space reserved for YMCA V0lunteers? This space reserved for Virgins (. . .there'd be pervert men hanging around the sign all day!)? This space reserved for persons with more that $100K in their account (. . . Good Lord, please let me park in this spot one day soon!).

What spot should be reserved for you?

Types of Women You Should Limit or Have No Conversation With if In a Relationship!

*Although this is written from the male perspective, it applies to women as well.

Women That Find You Attractive:

Neither women or men stop finding other people attractive as a result of their being in a relationship. It's just real. The blinders to pretty notion is a farce. You don't stop seeing them (actually, you might notice them a bit more depending on if you had a fight with your mate before leaving home). More pressing is that you don't stop being attractive either. Think about it, someone found you attractive enough to claim you (and if married . . . claim you for their foreseeable life). And if you're a guy, chances are for the length of your relationship, you have been receiving hints, tips and cues (subconscious or direct) that have contributed to increasing your attractiveness (women like to keep their men looking nice and will offer suggestions to do so. Be real, you weren't getting manicures every two weeks before her). Nevertheless, it is imperative that you limit conversation with this type of woman to minimal at best. Let me be clear, it's not that you have any intentions with said woman, but that doesn't account for hers. In addition, being flattered by someones appreciation for your style, looks, attitude or personality inherently causes you to put that person on a higher plateau . . . simply because they like you. And everyone, no matter their relationship status, likes to know that someone is checking them out. Keep your conversations with this type of woman limited. Their attraction to you is not likely to subside just because you're cuffed up. These women are subtle in their advances as well.

Things that should make the DANGER alarm go off in your head:

"You look very nice today" (x3) - - - - thanks, but damn, stop jockin!
"I wish my guy dressed like you do"
Laughing at every one of your jokes - - - - Dude, no one is that funny!
She starts every conversation with, "So . . Where's your girl?"


Women Who Are Needy:

This type of woman always has a man problem. Dude's too short, can't lay it down, is a player, not focused, doesn't respect her time, ain't progressing his life, doesn't go to church, too fat, too skinny, too bald, doesn't dress well, etc. (little does she recognize that she ain't on isht and thus keep attracting dudes who ain't on isht). For some reason, she always shares her inner most relationship issues with you hoping you will be her be her hero and offer some guidance, dick or advice.

Things that should make the DANGER alarm go off in your head:

"I wish I could find someone like you"
"Really . . . I just need a friend" - - - - Is you serious? (yes. . . I intentionally said "Is you")

Tears. . . . tears from a woman that isn't yours is a warning!

"Could you come over and talk for a while" - - - - Heffa, it's 2am!


Women Who Are In A "It's All About Me Place":

These are usually single women who for various reasons aren't looking for anything serious in a man or relationship. They are living their lives for them and them alone. These are perhaps the most dangerous type of single women out there. They honestly just don't give a damn. You could sit down with them and profess your love for the woman you are with for hours and it wouldn't discourage their advances in the least. They are the type of woman that proliferates the premise of "girls always want guys who already have girls". Your relationship status, if conflicting with their immediate needs for companionship in whatever form, is inconsequential. DO NOT HOLD CONVERSATION WITH THIS TYPE OF WOMAN AT ALL! It isn't as if they are motivated by your relationship status. No, they don't want you because you have a woman. They just could care less if you or any other man that is the focus of their attention for the five minute period of your encounter is in a relationship. It's all about them. And when they are done with you, no matter how much turmoil, strife and trouble they have brought to your life, they will discard you like a pair of flip-flops they got from the nail shop after getting a pedicure.

Things that should make the DANGER alarm go off in your head:

"See, I ain't like most women. I don't put such a stigma on sex. I mean. . everyone's doing it!"

"It's whateva" - - - - Run man, RUN!

"Really. You're Married? Nice. Anyway . . ."

Rant #3: Men Performing The Beyonce "Single Ladies" Video!

*I realize the timing of this rant may be tardy, but I felt it necessary anyhow.

WTF! YouTube is rampant with Beyonce Single Ladies video remakes. Of the many things that are wrong with this I would like to point out two that are magnanimous in there absurdity.

First, and perhaps most important, is the fact that you are attempting to remake a work of quintessential art. It's not only that you are amateur at best, performing the choreography in dorm rooms and parking lots of grocery stores. It would be like the cartoonist at the state fair attempting to recreate the Mona Lisa! Like T-Pain trying to recreate Roger Troutman's vibe. You are ruining a newfound past time for 98% of men in the world (sexual orientation disregarded because you're either drooling over beyonce as a straight man or drooling over beyonce's choreography as a gay man). Watching this video for men can be likened to watching your favorite sport on a Saturday afternoon by yourself on the couch with chips, an enormous hoagie and a six pack . . . . that and porn, of course. When I YouTube the single ladies video, more remakes are returned than instances of the actual video. This is discouraging.

Second. Why the hell are 80% of these videos of MEN doing the dance. And seriously doing the dance (some of them doing so far too well). Not performing a spoof like Justin Timberlake on SNL (which was incredibly hilarious I might add . . . and made me even more jealous of Justin as a result of the Beyonce ass slap). These guys are actually attempting to show their artistic talent and ability. . . . by emulating a Beyonce video.

And these random dorm rude dancer, viral videos as in that of Shane Mercado are getting so much attention that he not only got on a talk show but actually got the chance to meet Beyonce herself. That's right. ACTUALLY GOT TO MEET BEYONCE! Men around the world dream of such a moment . . . nightly . . . and daily. To be honest, if performing the dance and placing it on YouTube would guarantee me the opportunity to get that close to her, I would probably go shopping for a leotard TONIGHT! These remakes are far to well produced as in the case of Purple Haze or just outright embarrassing as in the case of this Fat Guy! There are so many that compilation videos have been created.

I have two requests.

1. Please stop. . . .

2. Please never, ever, eva eva eva (in my best Chris Tucker impression) disgrace a Beyonce video again by performing in this manner.

That is all.

For the Sake of Nostalgia . . . Could We Bring Back The Box?

*shout out to Rhashadd Shadzilla for the inspiration for this post.

Hip Hop (video) has become too serious. The randomness associated with the music (videos) has been lost. The refreshing feeling of huh? is gone. Old School Hip Hop videos were full of random, nonsensical, out of place occurences that usually had very little to do with the music itself. It contributed to the lightness of the music. It added to the euphoric feelings of fun that permitted you to escape from the deplorable social and economic conditions from which the music was borne.

There was something pleasant about seeing a bikini clad light skinned (light skinned was hotter than the sun at that point), long haired girl standing on the beach with the sun shining on her face, ocean flowing over her feet while playing a saxophone as in Wreckx-n-Effect's Rump Shaker video (0:05 seconds in). At first sight, you have to laugh and think, "WTF is she doing on the beach with a saxophone . . . A SAXOPHONE!". Or maybe you didn't think about it at all. The videos were a complement to the music at that time. The music itself was so much of the focus that having a BIG ASS RED (0:42 seconds in) telephone prominently displayed while watching the 2 Live Crew - Me So Horny video was unnoticeable. You didn't have to focus on Beyonce's every dance move and compare it to the countless number of YouTube remakes done by random dorm room dancer dude (don't act like I was the only one to watch this and say, "damn, this dude can dance").

And what happened to the aimless placement of children in videos. Have videos gone too high budget and produced to have unnecessary shots of kids dancing erratically as in Poor Righteous Teacher's (1:45 in) Rock This Funky Joint? Yes these videos were recorded with Hi-8 cameras on roof tops without permits or safety harnesses . . . so what? We were broke too and could relate. Now our videos are recorded in HD, played on BluRays and DVR's (vs. having to call in to The Box, dial the 1-900 Number to play "Tootsie Roll" and subsequently take a beating for running up your momma phone bill).

Hip Hop has gone too serious, too flashy, too unreal for any of us to relate. I don't own a Maybach, never had a private flight, wouldn't think about pouring Ace of Spades on anyone for fear of wasting it and couldn't understand what would drive a man to make it rain. Things done changed.

Rant #2: Liberal is The New 'N' Word . . .

I listen to AM radio a lot. A whole lot. Each morning on my drive to work (which I don't suggest doing if you work with a disproportionate amount of conservatives) and each night on my drive home. It probably contributes to about 60% of the arguments I have in my household simply because I am so infuriated by the time I get out the car that just saying "hi" to me might get your head snapped off. . . literally.

I have come to the conclusion that as a result of the election of President Obama, liberal is the new 'N' word. The proliferation of the use of liberal in Conservative AM Radio is so abundant that hearing it invokes a rage in me similiar to the feeling I got when I first watched the movie Rosewood starring Ving Rhames (Yea, it's gotten that bad). You can hear it in their tone. Obama's LIBERAL cabinet is ruining our country! The LIBERALS are only looking for a handout! The LIBERALS have taken over the NBA! - - - Okay, that last one was a little bit of a reach, but you get what I'm saying.

They're acting as if Obama has opened up the doors to the white house, replaced the furniture with wicker chairs, put plastic on the couch, hung the obligatory picture in the brandy snifter on the mantel and fired up the barbeque pit on the front porch!

And I'd think more of them if they went ahead and used the 'N' word. Don't hide it. Get gangsta about it! The NIGGERS LIBERALS have taken countrol of the Senate! The The NIGGERS LIBERALS are starting socialism in America! The The NIGGERS LIBERALS are stealing our white women! - - - Okay, that last one was a bit of a reach too, but you get what I'm saying!

Liberal is the new "that one" in McCain speak. I'm no fool. I won't be had, won't be took, not hoodwinked, bamboozled, led astray, or run amuck ( - - - fist raised high in the air - - - ). I see the writing on the wall.

*The views expressed here are those of the authors and should not be attributed to Blogger. We apologize for any discomfort you may have had reading this post. These liberals can get a bit out of hand sometime.

Rant #1: Weave. . . Really? (aka . . A Shout Out to TMCY)

This post is prompted by TMCY's post on Weave Wearing Women yesterday which got me to thinking several things. 1.) TMCY and I went to college together and probably had much more in common to talk about than we realized (at least on the writing tip) and 2.) either the world is so depressed and in need of some laughter or we're just to afraid to talk about the serious things these days.


Now before I get to ranting, I must admit that I don't advertise my blog in a fashion to solicit much interaction via comments. I really do most of my writing for myself as a form of therapy. But it made me laugh (then cry) that TMCY's weave blog solicited a barrage of comments regarding weave, good hair vs. bad hair, naturals vs. relaxers, insecurities and how much people need to pay someone to lay on the couch to get their head straight so they don't go around buying yakki hair which some asian lady got horribly screwed on when they paid her pennies for growing her hair out for a year.


Now I know TMCY has written on more important issues in a comical sense like the Iraqi Shoe Thrower (11 comments) or Governor Sarah Palin (3 comments), so why has weave prompted so much discussion. Does weave intrigue us that much? Is this the substance that drives us? I write alot about race and political issues yet, when my friends speak about my blog, they usually refer to the fictional live remotes that Chico (me and my wife's dog) has done from the DNC and a Nightclub (I must admit however, that if you've ever heard me do Chico's voice, you'd be rolling to. It's a mix of a gangster and the old pervert man from the Family Guy show that's always trying to get at Chris)."

Maybe I'm being too serious about this. But I always wonder when will we put more effort into the real stuff that we're concerned about.

But then again, weave is a pretty serious topic. That shit could save your life.

Do I have any white friends anymore?

"On Saturdays and Sundays, America in the year 2009 does not, in some ways, differ significantly from the country that existed some 50 years ago. This is truly sad." - Attorney General Holder.

In a speech regarding the celebration of Black History Month, Attorney General Holder made the above statement regarding the nation's "coward" demeanor toward addressing the serious and un-talked about issue of race in our nation. This simple yet stunningly obvious observance about race relations in our nation got me to thinking, I have no white "friends" anymore.

Now my definition of friend in this sense is strictly defined. It isn't friend in the sense of we went to high school with each other 10 years ago and you found me through the six degrees of separation group on Facebook or by noticing a friend of a friend of yours who commented on my witty status messages. It isn't a friend in the sense that you ran the "find other friends" tool on MySpace and it used your contact list from yahoo or Gmail or twitter or whatever to find your "friends" by their email addresses. I mean friend in the sense that someone you actually keep tabs of through direct contact, engage in conversations regarding each others personal lives and gains as well as have a care for.

Now some of you new age hippies may attempt to contradict Holder's sentiments saying, "I just hung out with "X" (I was going to use a stereotypical white name like Luke, or Sharon or Casey but that wouldn't be right . . . wait . . . I just did) last night! But hanging out doesn't constitute a friendship. On second thought, if more than 50% of the time you're with that person you all are taking Jaeger or jello shots, then you are actually a small AA (Alcoholics Admirers) Group in the making. . . not "friends".

For the rest of you, I ask you this. When was the last time you spent significant time with someone of another race ( for which you have no familial or marital or obligation to) on a Saturday or Sunday that wasn't work related?

1 week ago . . .

1 month ago . . . .

1 year ago . . . . . . ?

Longer . . . . ?

I started thinking about the last time I spent significant time with someone of the other race. There was that one time at my wedding when we hung out with my wife's maid of honor's fiance who's white. . . but they're pretty much considered family . . . so they don't count. My good friend from college was at a bachelor party with me for another friend of mine and he's white (the friend . . not the bachelor). But dude has been to just as many family functions as I have in the last 10 years we've known each other (actually more) . . . so does he really count? And besides, for much of his early years . . . he thought he was black anyway (you know I love you KH!)!

The truth is I don't have any white friends anymore. I am not ashamed of this. I think it is a natural result of us wanting to spend our off work time with those we are most comfortable with. That is perhaps the part I am ashamed of. Our nation has a uncomfortableness about our differences which inhibits our ability to form positive relationships with persons of contrasting skin tone. We ignore racism as if it doesn't matter in a world for which it has always mattered. Instead of opening lines of communication to rid ourselves of misconceptions, stereotypes and prejudices as well as cement the truths about our various cultures and ethnicities, we shun away from this dialogue and interaction choosing to instead act as if it isn't there. Racism is the drunk uncle at the family reunion for which you've brought your significant other to for the first time. You know he's sitting there, right next to the Jack Daniel's. You know he inevitably will do or say something asinine and embarrassing, but he is never confronted in advance of the issue. And when he's confronted after the ugliness rears it's head, it's too late, and race riot of sort occurs.

Perhaps we should host huge Clear the Air parties (kind of like the one they held in Grant Park in Chicago on November 4th) in which everyone where's a white t shirt with black lettering on it that clearly states our misconceptions and stereotypes and prejudices of others. This way it would be out in the open for all to see. We then could help each other through discussing the root of those misconceptions and refuting them through evidence.

I can see it now. White guy walks up with t-shirt that says "I think all black guys can run fast and jump high". Black guy walks up with t-shirt that says, "I think all white women are subordinate to their men!" Asian guy walks up with t-shirt that says, " I think most latinos are illegal aliens." Latino guy walks up with t-shirt that says, " I think all asian men are mathemeticians."

Of course I'm being quite silly in a sense, but you get the point. Perhaps by exclaiming our misconceptions of race, we can rid ourselves of them.

. . . and if you're one of my white friends . . . please don't be offended . . . and if you are, we're probably really not friends anyhow.

MateFax Personal History: Don't Date A Used Man Without MateFax!

I liken asking someone you meet for the first time questions about themselves and their dating history to asking a used car salesman about the quality of a car you're interested in purchasing: you very well knew from the beginning that the answer you would receive would not only inevitably be disappointing, but that there will always be a sense of uncertainty with regards to if you received the absolute truth or not. This is the reason the CarFax product is such a hot sale. It reduces the dissonance associated with the purchase and permits you to comfort your self with a detailed car history that in the least, allows you to rationalize your purchase decision even if the car breaks down in two weeks.

But there are no MateFax products on the market. It would be an exceptional idea. A detailed dating history of your potential mate that you could pull even before you went on your first date. You notice an attractive guy or gal (simliar to a freshly detailed car on a used car lot), walk up to him or her and kick on their bumpers and check for dents or oil on the ground around them. You ask for their PIN# (PERSONAL IDENTIFICATION NUMBER) and let them know you'll get back to them in a couple days. You immediately go home and jump on the matefax.com website to run their history. Your detailed report is produced in minutes:

OWNERSHIP HISTORY:
Year Born: 1978
Estimated Length of Average Relationship: 6 mos.
Estimated Sexual Partners Per Year: 7
Total Sexual Partners: 105
Total Sexual Parners with reported cases of STD: 17 (16%)

EMPLOYER:
Harolds Chicken Shack #73: 8yrs
ICE Theatres: 3 yrs

TITLE PROBLEMS:
FICO Score: 512
Degree: Associates in General Studies from Kennedy King College
# Years to Recieve Degree: 7.5

Reported Accident / Damage:
1996 - Assault Charge dismissed by former Ex-Girlfriend. Order of Protection Enforced.
1999 - Multiple Non-Labeled Prescriptions bottles found in vehicle for "General Health Issues" from local clinic known for STD prowess.
2002 - Filed police report for excessive car damage on vehicle including but not limited to sugar being poured in tank, key scratches and "BITCH ASS" spray painted on door and brick in window.

Other Information:
Children: 6
Baby Mommas: 4

End Report.

Your MateFax report has saved you time, hardship and money for the low, low price of $29.99. I do however see the potential detriments associated with "erroneous" information as maybe received with your typical CarFax report. People will start stealing PIN numbers like credit fraud. You'll have to check your report monthly to ensure no misinformation being reported (there's no greater pain for a man than to have been reported to have slept with a woman . . . for which he actually didn't receive the joy of sleeping with her). You'd have to entertain requests from friends asking to get on your MateFax report to get the residuals of you actually being a decent dude. Almost like a co-signer. And similiar to the car market, your MateFax report will only approve you for a late model Ford Festiva type woman when you really want a BMW 745 type female.

What would your MateFax (or your current/ex's MateFax) report say?

I'll just say . . . . Thank You Lord!

I'm not a horribly religious person. Actually, if you ever run into my best friend Jere Tobias and ask him what I used to think about Church and Religion, he'd have a tremendously funny story to tell you. But life has showed me through trials and tribulations, joy and happiness that God is real. God is always present. And God changes your life.


So, on this 31st anniversary of my birth, I recall a fond memory of my younger years, and I say aloud, "Thank you Lord, I won't complain!"


I wasn't forced to go to church after about 10 years old. My parent's felt it was to be a decision of my own after a while and permitted me to choose to go after that time. Of course, I elected to spend most of my Sundays playing basketball in the local schoolyard on milkcrates for at that time, I felt it was a much better way of spending my time. But my parents are smarter than they probably would ever give themself credit for and had already laid the foundation. Their electing to allow me to make the decision taught me at the least two very profound lessons which I have had to learn and re-learn multiple times. The first is that to choose isn't always a easy thing to do. And that in the beginning and the end, it always comes back to God.

Learning and relearning these two lessons have pushed my life to greater heights, permitted some fantastic people (ie. my wife) to enter my life and have put me on a path to the desireable life that I covet.

And so, when things don't always seem to be going too well. In the words of my Grandmother who sings this very touching and spiritual song nearly everytime I visit home and go to church, "I'll just say thank you Lord . . . I won't complain".

A Long Letter to my not yet concieved child . . .

Dear Son and/or Daughter:


I Love you.

Even though I've never seen your beautiful face, held your soft hand, seen your cheerful smile or wiped your first tear, I love you. And I will always love you. And you should always know that.

I have dreamt of you all my life. I have dreamt of how beautiful you would be, how smart you would be, how funny you would be, how great you would be. I have dreamt of the many good and bad times we would share. I have dreamt of the first time we looked into each others eyes, the first time you call me daddy and your first steps. You have been on my mind for as long as I can remember, and now that you are here, you will continue to be in my thoughts each and every day. You are a dream come true.

You are the greatest gift I have ever been given. I am forever indebted to God and your Mother for making this dream of mine a reality. I love your Mother dearly. She is the strength that has kept me going and she will be just as strong for you. I cannot love you without loving your Mother, and I will love the both of you till the end of time. Losing either either of you isn't something I ever would be able to handle. Understand that your Mother and I will not always agree, but we will always agree on this: God was kind to us by bringing the blessing of you into our life. And no matter what happens between the two of us, know that you are the greatest thing that ever happened to both of us.I promise to cherish you as if you are the greatest gift I have ever received.

Despite my love for you, I am fully aware that we too, will not always see eye to eye. Please know that I never want to hurt your feelings and I am sorry for the many times I'm sure I will. Everything I do, I do for you. The rules I set are not to limit your joy, but to prepare you for a troublesome and tumultuous world. When I say "no" it's not because I wish to be mean or keep you from having fun. You will learn over time that if I could have said yes every time, if I could have given you every want or desire you ever dreamed of, that I would have without hesitancy.

But my job is to be your parent. And I will carry out that job in a fashion that I will be forever proud and able to hold my head high that I did the best I could at being a parent for you. As much as I want to be your best friend, you must understand that being your friend comes second to being your Dad.

I will not have all the answers even though I will sometimes act like I do. I want to be the man you look up to each and every day. I want you to be as proud to say "that's my dad" as i am to say "that's my child". I will help you in every way I can. And even when I can't help you, I will be there to comfort you when you try and fail and support you each time you try and try again. Keep trying! It is the only way to achieve success.

And even though I haven't met you, I know you will be a valiant success, a beacon of excellence and achievement. You will get there by trying, doing, winning and losing, but you will get there, and I will be there every step of the way to give you whatever help I can. And when you shine, when you rise to the top of the many podiums you will stand upon, don't worry if you never mention me for you being you is the greatest acknowledgement I could ever receive. Shine bright!

There will be people in your life who tell you you aren't as wonderful as I say you are. Know in your heart that God has never made anything that wasn't wonderful, and when he made you, he created wonderful defined. Be proud, yet humble. Know that with all that you have you have a responsibility to give back more. Know that with all your talents and successes, if you are the only one to have benefited from them, they were of of little use at all. So when the world tells you you can't, show them you can and remember to be grateful that you could.

You will have many special people in your life. Some will last for a long time, some will last for a little. Of any and all these people require that they respect you not by the way you demand that respect but by giving them the respect you feel you deserve. But be able to know the difference. Know that no matter how much we wish to have people in our life, they sometimes don't deserve that privilege. Respect for self is where respect for others start. And one day, I pray you will find someone who will make you feel just as special as your Mother has made me feel. And one day you will want to share the rest of your life with that person. Know that I may not always be number one in your life, but I will always be the first to be there when you need me. My love for you has grown each day since the first day I dreamt of you. And it will never subside. Ever.

And for all that I have written to you, promised to you, given to you, shared with you, I only ask for one thing. I only ask that when the day comes, that you will write a long letter to your not yet conceived child (my grandchild), that simply starts as such:

I love you.

Black People Should Be Happy . . . . Everythings Even With the Election of President Obama!

Listening to AM radio this morning, which I am almost certain contributes to 98% of the reason I walk into work with a mean mug you would normally associate with prison photos, the stand in host asked the question of "Do black people feel as if they have gotten even with whites with the election of a black President?" This rather assinine question I dismissed as radio entertainment and an attempt to solicit callers and increase radio ad revenue by the show host, until people actually called in to comment. The points people made were more assinine than the question itself, so much to the point that I have subconciously blacked them out of my head and thus can't regurgitate them, however they were catalyst enough to prompt me to call in myself.

My point was this, 1 for 43 should never be considered "even" in any situation. When it comes to matters of race, I do not believe 50/50 is necessary (which is the counterpoint the host attempted to use . . . asserting I wouldn't be happy until 41 more black men became president). Nevertheless, I do feel "even" should be a reflection of what portion of the American Pie you represent. For example, take any publicly founded college campus. If there are 20,000 students, and America is 13 - 15% minority, shouldn't 13-15% of the students on that campus be minority as well? This would assert a "equal" representation to the opportunities of college education.

A subsequent caller responded to my statement saying that "black people are all over the board on this one" (because another caller called in stating she didn't vote for Obama despite her being black because her family couldn't relate to his elitism as a result of his being Harvard educated. I could write another blog on this idiot notion in itself but who has the time) and that blacks have had opportunities to become President for "generations" now and haven't capitalized upon it until Barack Obama came along.

That response got me to thinking, perhaps the better question for the day that the host should ask is if white people feel that blacks should be satiated by the election of a black President as a guage for things being "equal" or "even" in our society. I'm pretty sure I know the answer to this one, but it'd be interesting to hear the responses.

Getting back to the "black people are all over the board" comment, is this something that is ridiculous an idea? Is it crazy to think that two black people, with two different upbringings, two different sets of life experiences and personalities would have differing ideas and thoughts? Does the shared pigmentation of our skin lead one to think that our thoughts too are one in the same? Homogenous thought is perhaps one of the most significant contributants to the persistence of bad ideas. Variety in our ideas is the premise for which our nation is built. It is the agent which is the catalyst for the ideas and ingenuity which has made us the model society on Earth. Therefore, the expectation that all black people be on the same page with respect to any idea is in itself an underestimation of black people.

I must too address the idea that black people have for "generations" had the opportunity to become president. My first action was to find the definition of generation. There are many, all of which point to a period of time. Here's one:

the term of years, roughly 30 among human beings, accepted as
the average period between the birth of parents and the birth of their
offspring.

Assuming this definition is widely accepted and agreed upon, permit me to walk you down a time line regarding the notion of the "generations" of opportunity black people have had with respect to becoming President of the greatest country on Earth. The first Pilgrims arrived (slaves in tow) in 1614. The Declaration of Independence was made real in 1776, with the promise of equality for all men as a endowment given to them by their creator. The United States constitution, which in itself proclaimed the inferiority of blacks in relation to whites with the three-fifths compromise, was accepted in 1786. The Civil War, renowned as the war to free the slaves, began in 1861. Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. gave his March on Washington speech in 1963. So, assuming the caller was speaking to the generations of opportunity allowed to black people to become President, it took black people bit over one generation to accomplish this goal, a rather expeditiously and seemingly insurmountable feat to have been accomplished in a nation with a rich history of racial tension and oppression. The notion that many generations were afforded us is a farce.

Which returns me to my suggested question "if white people feel that blacks should be satiated by the election of a black President as a guage for things being "equal" or "even" in our society"? This callers commentary would suggest that we should. It also asserts that white people feel as if the election of one black President (and their more than apparent contribution in accomplishing that feat) absolves them of the injustices, discrimination and prejudices they have placed upon the welted backs of black people since the day the first Pilgrim set foot on Plymouth Rock.

Technology is a double edge sword. . .

The advancements in technology since my youth have been abundantly rapid and impacting. I remember playing Commadore 64 and ATARI were 1D games like PONG where the staple yet still exciting as can be. Now games have DNA, literally. Today's technology has evolved to the point that the characters you play with can have shifting personality. Mario was just happy all the time, like he had a lifetime refill of Prozac. The first cell phone I had was humongous, bulky and outright lame. The minutes were excessively expensive, so much so, that seldom did I have any to call anyone. I still had to rely on my pager and hope someone lived close enough to use their landline or that a payphone was near by (. . . and i only needed a quarter to use it!). Now phones have games, email, text messaging, video, movies, music, applications that let you track election results and stream live music, and give you access to the ever addicting Facebook application.

The advancements of technology have made life more efficient and allowed us to communicate in ways we could only imagine like we did when we watched the Jetsons (still waiting on that flying car express way . . . that would make the commute to Hoffman from Bronzeville a breeze).


However, all our technological advancements have also acted as a crutch for many of the things that grew our abilities and skill sets. Take text messaging as an example. My father used to make me write letters to my aunts and uncles. They needed to be grammatically correct and he required they used more complex words other than that which I used in my everyday verbiage. It permitted me to grow my vocabulary and become better at the use of the English language. Of course, I didn't know all this at the time, it was actually quite frustrating. But it was a less expensive way of talking to extended family as long distance calls at the time were still very costly. Now, I text my uncles and aunts, using shorthand LOL's and OMG's and BRB's. Technology has actually retracted some of my ability to use the English language in exchange for acronyms! And despite the fact that mobile to mobile minutes exist and I don't know of a cell phone that doesn't have free long distance, I still, for the sake of time, communicate in short hand text.

Technology has even ripped us of the Dewey decimal system. Depending on your age, you may not even know who or what that is. That's because who goes to library's anymore. Even when I was in college, I went to the library to get a quite place to study. I didn't need books because the entire campus was on wi-fi and all my research was done on the Internet. And even if I did need a book, i would just download it electronically. I haven't stepped foot inside a library since college. And although the Internet provides immediate access to information and for that matter, the world, it has reduced the amount of time we spend reading. Young people can Google for entire research papers and teachers have to be just as keen in order to catch the plagiarism which is probably rampant in today's schools.

Technology has even taken away our ability to count. Try this. . . the next time you are ordering food and run across a automated change machine, challenge the order taker to a test. Give them a $20 bill and tell them if they can tell you, within 8 seconds, the amount of change they should get back, you'll let them have the change. You probably won't lose a dime. And chances are, you have become so trusting in the machines and techonoloy that have been implemented to "make our lives easier" that you could get shorted change every time and never notice. We have become so reliant on these tools that we never question them.

Technology in all it's brilliance has handicapped our society. And there's no promising outlook for it getting any better.

This message brought to you from my IPhone.

To Choose or To be Chosen . . . .That is the question!

We all know the light skinned vs. dark skinned argument. Light skinned girls get all the guys. Dark skinned girls get played or have to be exceptionally fine! Wannabe's vs. Jiggaboos. . . . blah, blah, blah. We all know that it's rooted in massa's seperation of the lights from the darks and giving them preference and creating the sensation to covet the lighter folks of our race. And yet it still plagues us today. More importantly, it plagues our black women who are constantly irate at the fact that a man's preferences lead him to lighter toned women.

Sistahz (of all color. . . .white, brown, yellow, etc.) . . . . you will never change a man's preference!

That fool may marry you and still prefer lighter skinned women!

My question is, when will women become the chooser instead of being chosen. Now I know you're going to say that we women always do the choosing . . . and you may be correct in saying that the end decision is that of the woman, but if you think that the courter doesn't have anything to do with the courtee making that decision, you're fooling yourself (ex. refer to ugly brother without dough with fine woman on arm . . . . game!).

The sistah has always went out and got what they want in life. Want education . . . went out and got it! Higher paying job in the board room with the big boys . . . went out and got it! Big house, nice car . . . that too! Quality man . . . [in a damsel in distress voice] , "where has chilvary gone?"

My suggestion: Get out and get what you want!

I can be certain that I cannot recall not participating in a conversation that a woman initiated with me in my single days. Ugly, fine, tall, short, fat, skinny. Didn't matter, if the woman started the conversation, I always remember engaging her. My preferences went to the wayside frankly because I was caught off guard and if that woman's personality shined and kept me engaged, there was no telling where the conversation would lead.

Men have had to do this since the beginning of time. We have always had to chase. Geez, my wife didn't even give me her phone number when we first met . . . I nearly had to stalk her via email . . . which she didn't provide to me either but I just happened to pick out of a guestlist of more than 600 others ( . . . fate . . .that's a future blog article). The chase and the subsequent shootdowns is what has allowed us men to build ourselves and our ability to engage, attract and win the woman who are characteristic of our preferences.

For those of you who women who believe that the old fashion way of courtship should be standard, understand that you no longer live in old fashioned times and shall not expect new fashioned results while maintaining an old fashioned mindset regarding dating. We are in a new age where we learn more about one another through text messages, emails and facebook profiles than we do via picnics in the park, walks on the boardwalk or conversations over tea. This will not change. The world will not revert back to times of communication in person or via hand written letter. And to be truthful, you have not maintained old fashioned mannerisms of courtship anyhow. In old fashioned times, you dated exclusively those of your ethnic group. Of course there were folks at the extremes who tested these old fashioned ideas, however most of us stayed in stride. Yet, frequently I hear women (scorned) suggest to other women that men outside of their race are fair game now as a result of the dissapointment they have have with men who reflect their own skin tone. If this is outside the lines of old fashion and still exceptable, why not stress the bounds a bit more.

Stop waiting to be chosen . . . . stop being victim of preferences for which you have no control over. . . . start choosing how you want your dating life to be! It may be more fun (and successful) than you think!

Shout out to Tahani for kicking this post off!